he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
