i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
