based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
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I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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