No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
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He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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