your parents love me but you hate me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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