stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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