i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
