Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
