Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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