I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
the raccoons are back...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
