It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
