We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
