I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
