I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
