my being single is dangerous.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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