omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
