just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
