Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
