If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
