yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
