i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
