I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
