i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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