Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
