Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize