My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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