Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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