I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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