dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
