I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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