He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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