Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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