i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
