I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
