I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
