even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
