i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
