I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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