it hurts more in the daytime
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
