Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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