I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
