just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
