Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
