theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i now understand why vodka
Do you remember whose house we're in?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
