who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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