Christians are straight up FREAKS
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
