the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
