omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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