I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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