One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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