running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
