What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
