You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
