I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
