her facebook's as public as her vagina
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
