I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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