This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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