"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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