Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
