is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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