just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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