The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
