my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
