The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
