im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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