i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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