Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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