Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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