I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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