New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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