I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
