Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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