Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
