im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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