Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
