I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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