you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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