Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
