i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
