I showed him my bush... on skype.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
