I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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