toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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