New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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